First and foremost: be kind. It’s gangster. I think I’ve been learning there are different roads of kindness throughout my long road in life. From all of this, it hurts when I realize I’m not as important to someone as I thought I was. If they won’t lift a few fingers to call me or to see me or to spend time with me, it’s time for me to lift five fingers and wave buh-bye! I almost broke my thumbs doing that the other night with all the messaging I was putting into my phone and only getting a response from my mom. One would think, that with flying two thousand miles across country, just for a few family functions, more would be excited to see me. Yet, everyone seemed so unavailable for what seemed the entire month I was there. It hurts when you realize you aren’t as important to people as you thought you were. Fridays and Saturdays are still lonely in this old age.
I can totally understand people being busy with work, family, with life when trying to invite them out during the middle of the week, me being on a different time zone after all. Then I see what is going on with them for the night by updates in their lives every five minutes, and I happened to be just down the road. Yet when I look at my phone, there is no response to anything I had sent out to see if anyone wanted to party down. This is when I begin to realize, maybe I just have to let go.
Have you ever sat with your friends and just known that you’re the least important person in the group? Then, you felt like it really wouldn’t make a difference if you were there or not? The problem is, that I don’t know what a true friend is anymore these days. A stranger can become my best friend just as easily as a best friend can become a stranger. If I just got up from the table and left, would anyone even notice? It’s almost like I’m not even friends with some people anymore. The saddest thing is when I am feeling real down, I look around and realize that there really doesn’t seem to be a shoulder when I need one. Except my guy in the next room.
Sitting in my chair all day, even if I did have plans, can get a little boring. It may not seem like such a big deal, but there really isn’t that much on Netflix. I can get what seems like an automatic reply to a text message to plans we’re making, like “Oh yeah, I can’t wait, I’m down for tomorrow. SO excited you’re here!” And then the next day; nothing. I pretty much gave up sending a “Hey, are we still down for today,” message because I knew I would get nada. If one moment I cut them off, chances are they handed me the scissors. I’m not really mad; I guess really more hurt. There’s a difference. I do know I’m not the only person in this big ass world. But, when I haven’t seen the faces I thought would be excited to spend five minutes with me, the way that dreaded social network made it seem, there only seemed to be excuses or no responses on my phone. These days, I really just miss the memories, not the people.
Good friends are like stars. I don’t always see them, but I do know they’re there, somewhere. Still not mental, just a little torn up. There is a difference. It’s almost the same as a friend who comes and goes, but the true friend lasts forever. The problem is that I don’t know who my true friends are anymore these days. Nowadays, I’m beginning to realize that they can break your heart, too. Some walks on this road in life, you might have to take alone.
I sometimes think that when I’m out for my fun, sixty percent of the stories I tell go unfinished because either someone cut me off or maybe no one is even listening. I think I even learned this these past few years in my life. Airplanes have been making me think. They also make me realize that I might have found my new promise land. Silver is becoming my new Gold.