….and they all continue right past me. This is yet another of my attempts to pick up a hopeful Prince of my Heart. This path that I have been wandering hopelessly down seems to be growing smaller and darker as I see the door to my middle age lurking up ahead. I just gaze upon the updates I know I shouldn’t let squash another lump into my heart, yet I let them. I should be trying to look on the optimistic side of the road, but I don’t believe I’ve ever been able to, for when I peer into that portion of the vase, it always just tips over and dumps all over me, leaving me piled under the engrossing disasters that were inside, just adding more stress into my life. So, I just look at the darker side of things knowing I will not have to fall as hard when I do fail.
Now, back to my Prince Charming. Where for arthough thee? I, as a not so patient woman know that the age of marriage and motherhood grows older than it was back in the times when we were brought to this wonderful Earth, but I just grow more anxious as I see another new person brought into this world. I grow more lonely when I see another has taken their other in sickness and in health until blah, blah, BARF! I feel that if there is another one of these to be announced in the next month or week even I will want to throw my computer onto my driveway then doss it in lighter fluid and watch it illuminate the night sky as I throw a match at it. That would be a little cool to see.
That just makes me sound more like fairest in the land. I do feel like I am searching more for my prince than he is for me. I know there are many different sayings on how to find the one that is meant for me. How am I suppose to find him, though? I keep being told to just wait. I’m suppose to sit and wait for him to come find me. Well, Romeo, I’m sitting on my couch, the same spot I sit in day in, day out, many lonely nights trying each of these dating sites that I hear are all “The One” that works. Yet, there still appears to be no person sitting on my left. I do not seem receive any response to what I just assume would be a pick up line if I was out face to face with this person that I had actually attempted to pursue on these sites.
I tell myself not to give up. There is someone out there for everyone. I do know that there is. I believe in what I read that each person was put on this Earth and we are suppose to find our better half. But I do not want to find him when I am fifty-six. I would like to find him tomorrow. I just wonder how you all have done it? I know, I know; just don’t give up, don’t try so hard, he’s out there. Yet, again, I cannot be patient. I try, and I try, and I try. Even when I’m cooking something, it is difficult for me to sit around and wait for whatever I am heating in the oven to finish. I must find something to distract myself.
Maybe this is what I need to do, to steer me away from my road to nothing. I cannot find work after three years, so now I suppose I can try to find myself a hobby to take my attention away from hunting the roads for my Romeo. Though, we all know, the way our roads tend to be in this state. I know that I am destined to be sitting on my front porch on the summers eves knitting nothing well into my old age. I can feel it.