I know my “art” thing, or whatever it’s supposed to be is meant to be a good thing. But I didn’t consider it that last week. Last week, I felt like I was almost surrounded by children. I felt like I was being instructed as a ten-years-old. I do know that I am not always in my right state of mind, but this group wasn’t anything like I had expected it to be. For one, I think I was the only person who had driven themselves. I also think I was the only who lives on their own. I do know that I am not the smartest person in this world, not even close. But this group brought me down a little. It made me feel like these holes in my mind are never even going to let me move onto the next stage that I need to succeed. However, it is that I’m stuck in these holes. Forever, because of all this cement in my head.
I know that I can try, but I will always be one fraction away from what I am reaching for. It is the way that my holes have been dug and have designed me to be now. I have tried to change over these ten years, since this has all begun. Yet I always seem to get back to square one. This lousy square that started it all. The one that brings me down to my lowest, begins to point me towards a new ray of hope then shatters my bright shining star just as I have reached it. That is why I know I need a new couch.
One day, though, I will find a big nail file and star on one corner. I will file each corner of this square until it is just a simple big circle. Then, you know what I will have; my own smiley face for the road to follow. And I will.