My Normal Life

I’m Giving Up On Us

First things first, I’m a realest. I never thought I could be a pessimist like you. You are such a downer, you would douse out the sun. I try not to play things in pretend. It makes this life I have a little simpler. This way, even on any Saturday morning I can usually jump out of bed and put on my best suit just to continue on like life is a normal day. Sometimes, though, I think I’ve got one more problem with you. Am I wrong for thinking out of this box from where I stay, only so I can help us fix what you’re saying is wrong with us? These problems that you say came with me, came when you met me in the summer, to the sound of my heartbeat. You know it, I know it. We’ve known it since that night. Yet, you lift my heart when the rest of me is down. You always have. I’m more than a one-night stand. We’ve been going on for far too long.

I know that I am always “shining like a Fifth Avenue diamond.” When those words came out of your mouth, though, trying to let me down easy, my eyes couldn’t look at more than the floor. So how did this not seem to push me towards the more complicated arrow on the road in my life? Making me, not only scared of love, but also scared of life? I have always been here for you, even all these darkest times we’ve been going through. I even feel like I’ve been here more. I don’t even care if I’m hurting your feelings. We are to the point where they’re not as bright as they were before. I know my mind is made up, and I’m not letting go of this decision. You know it’s not a bad thing to fall in love with me, don’t act like it is. I have never felt like these feelings inside are a bad thing.

I even remember, when you said once before, that we might even be done and that you had met someone, then you started to rub it in my face. That was when the shots in my heart started to be fired and the boiling in my brain began. So we knew this day would come, we’ve known it for so long. I know that this little part inside of me feels that it needs your love in my life. But then the other, larger, parts, are starting to take over. Perhaps it’s the portion that’s growing old, though I am capable of anything these days.

I still love you more than I did the week before, I always will. You always have helped me fill the doom and gloom whenever we’re in hotel rooms. You’ve always helped me when I’m having my bad day. Hell; if I were you, I’d blame this all on the beer. That’s what you seemed to do every single night when you would pick a fight with me before. I know what you have been growing to desire more in life.

Do you know what’s really worth fighting for? The first time that I saw your eyes. I realized I liked you a lot, you know I thought you were really hot. What I had growing inside me was a feeling that I had never known. You even told me, the night on our first date, that I reminded you of a beauty queen you knew when you were only 18. These days, though, I feel I’m starting to have troubles with myself. I feel that I have awoken to the sound of silence after the night we had just gone through. I’m not just scared of love, I’m scared of life I feel I’m starting to have alone. You’ve seen my pain, yet you think you can just wash it out with the rain. Is this all just a fantasy to you?

I’ve given up on you. Given up so very slowly. You are this brand new void in my life. Don’t think you can be so quick to walk away. There’s nothing in the water. I may be watching you go in the middle of the night, when you always say I’m doing you wrong. I know we’re not going anywhere so I am done crying my heart out over you.

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