I don’t even know why I’m writing. I’m just supposed to write every day. Every day, all day. Some days I don’t even know what to write about. Life? Love? Really I complain about lately are these two things. I make it seem that I have no happiness. I just want one day for that to be here. But it doesn’t seem to want to be with me lately. I have tried so many ways to make it stay. My smile seems to dislike my face. The smallest can shove me back towards my black hole.
I know my life is not bad. I know there are far worse for others, yet they are able to keep their chin up and a hop in their step. I, being a bull in a china shop with my life, love and happiness, though, seem not able me to keep any smiles. I am very happy for you and all that is happening with you, though. But, then that tiny little bug of disappointment makes her way into my mind, begins to look around and around. “Well, how come you don’t have anyone that wants to buy a house with you?” “Why isn’t anyone one of your dating sites going out with you?” “How come not a person has responded to the your number that you had the balls to leave them?!?!” This petty, little bug tried to push the happy pieces out, not allowing me to wish the good things for you, just allowing Negative Nancy to make her way back into my heart. She begins to think of all the nasty, disgusting comments to leave on your pages, for your pictures. Grumpy cat is about to meet his match.
I appear also to not be meant for this, what is it called, employment? I believe I used to, maybe four, five years ago. I know back in those days, the highest levels of education weren’t required for what appeared to be the simplest careers. Employers did not wish for you to have multiple years of experience just to have you come in to make their copies and answer their phones. Ah, no, back in our youth, merely filling out their paper and handing over with a smile was basically the hiring process. Now, though, even after a person sends out 412 letters begging an employer, applies to 439 hiring companies and then sits on her floor while watching how a person is to meet another’s mother all day while still searching for whatever this country has, shows that she never gives up and never surrenders. Whether it be liberty or it be whatever this nation has hidden in those old historic walls. Perhaps that is where my Waldo is hidden with my heart, maybe even my boss. Hey, potato potatoe.