My Normal Life

Theoretically Speaking

Dear Whoever,

Seriously; why do you have to be such a butt face lately? I know you’re out there. Where, I would like to know. Do I need to stand outside your window with a stereo over my head playing your favorite song to get my point across? Because I will! After a few drinks, I just might. I am at the mid-point of my life where I feel I should have already accomplished one of these things. I cannot have grandchildren when I’m 50 because I do not have any children at my ripe old age of 30 since I was not even close to being married at my middle youth of 25. That seemed to be the cool thing that everyone out there was doing back in those days.

I can’t seem to help it right now, but ever since I’ve seen you, I feel like I need to see you again. You made me fall in love with you all over. You never really left my mind, or my heart. I am trying to forget you. Asshole.

Okay, here’s the deal; I know you’re happy. I do not want to ruin anything. I’m trying not to get too jealous. Staying with your happiness, though, means maybe we shouldn’t talk anymore. Are people even supposed to be friends with their exes?  I was taught that I was always supposed to give my used toys to the less fortunate. I may still care about you, but I don’t want my mind to change itself again. I have no control over that portion of the brain, it seems.

I am about to give up what I feel like is a hunt almost for you. But at least when my feelings changed on all of those times, I had the balls to tell you!  I didn’t just stop communication. Even the nicest people have their limits. You’re seeming like knight in shining armor is turning out to be a loser in aluminum foil. I can’t help that ever since I last saw you, I cannot stop thinking how stupid I may have been. I regret the decisions I have made. But I’ve obviously felt that there was a reason to go see you. Now you just seem to feel ignoring is the way that a person’s feelings might change.

You really are making me feel like I am just wasting my time. Maybe we’re just growing apart again and I may not need you anymore. You are not the type that ignores. You have no problem putting your hands on me when you see me. I have no problem putting mine on you. That temptation is one that I always give into. But, your fingers don’t seem to work when your phone is ringing or when messages are being sent to you. This is why you cannot get upset if I just stumble over to your place to talk after I have had a few too many for the night. I come over just to get more emotions off my chest. JUST to talk. Which is all that I wanted to do, to get what is needed out of the way. I feel like you’re breaking a stupid girl’s heart. So do not be surprised if you get punched in the faced and then she just gets some ice cream after, because this would calm her heart. You always want to be correct, so fine, you are right. I love you! I have just picked the wrong time, of course, but I love you.

I believe that for a person who works from the computers, one would think that they would check their email more frequently. Unless you do and I am now just wasting my time bugging the crap out of you. As I have said in the previous fifteen emails, I cannot help it! It could be worse, though; I could be calling you eighteen times every three hours. I am trying hard not to do that. I even tried deleting you from my phone. But I still want to talk to you. I kicked you off of my Facebook, but I still want to see you. I am being the typical teenage girl. I cannot help it! I have obviously been in love with you three times. I have gone running back to you three times. And this fourth time, I do not want to leave you.

4 Signs He is Your Whatever

  1. You share important core beliefs (we generally think on both sides of the border.  Red/Blue/White/Church/State/Yin/Yang)
  2. You have fun together (If I can have more than a five minute phone conversation with you, you obviously do not bore the crap out of me)
  3. He’s being honest (You have no problem telling me you don’t like what I’m wearing, but at least in a nice way)
  4. He fight’s fair, most of the time. (But I always win.  Do not deny.)

I’m not going anywhere this time. I promise.

I do not know what my problem has been. I do know that I love you. I am not going anywhere. I feel like you’re my lobster but I’m losing you. I never give up, I do not surrender. I will even send you a damn pizza if that’s what will win you over because I love you! I love you. I do. I have never stopped.

Love,

Stephanie

PS

I’m burning that stupid candle you made for me.

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