Well I guess this is it. This is my goodbye. Farewell. What else do you want me to say? How much I still love you? How much I still think about you? How leaving you is the hardest thing in my life, but you know I have to. There is just something in the air that is holding us apart. Some person in this world does not want us together. I know I should fight them. If this were a regular Hollywood film, I would be fighting against this force that is trying to keep two people who are obviously meant to be with each other apart. But I just can’t do it. I am far to worn out from all that our stresses has put me through.
So I must leave you this way. No goodbye to your face. No long love letter. Just a simple “farewell.” Maybe, someday, if this is truly meant to be, we will meet again, our eyes will see each other, and we will know that we will never be parting again. Unless of course, we change our minds.
I do love you, though. I had thought you were my “person.” But, alas, the stars were not aligned in their order for us to be together. We travelled down the wrong roads in our lives. There may be pieces inside me that tell me I love you, but the two major ones in charge merge together to say “move on for a new hunt.” And I try. But I am sometimes drawn back to you.
And I left another my number the other day. My hopes were then set at a level of eight or nine, expecting a call from a guy who I, a woman, had the balls to hit on. Twenty-four hours later; nothing. Now, my heart burrows its way back into its dank, dark hole.
I begin to scroll through my Facebook in the hopes others’ lives are as low as mine. I know I should not wish this on those who I care for, but it always seems that when I am in these moods and I see everyone else way up in their happy, white clouds, I just want to shoot arrows at them, the cloud of course, so it will explode rain upon the world below it.
I would just like to know why you didn’t call. You had no problem talking to me all evening. You had no problem being friendly with me when you rang me up for the fourth time. I know I have known you for a very long time, but what is so wrong with me that you would choose that girl over me? Do not give me that “friendship” line. I know that is a load of crap. I can see the types of woman you are usually flirting with. So I do know why I am not your type; because I am not a size four. Because you may not be able to wrap your arms all the way around me. Maybe my physic is not the type you would be seeing in a bikini any time soon. I do know that I am just as attractive as that blonde that you seem unable to take your eyes and other man parts off of.
This just continues to lower the levels of my self-esteem. My couch in seeming to become my date for Friday nights and I am no longer having the urge to even search through the multiple dating sites that I am a member of. I have given up and may just always turn back to my farewell.