My Normal Life

What if…

…I had never left Central Michigan University, the actual first college that I had attended? What if I had just started over the second semester, and worked my ass off, like I did at OCC? Would I now be the teacher I have always wanted to be?   Or would I still have changed my mind and also chosen to walk down the legal path in life?

What if I had actually stayed there? Would I have made that one stupid mistake that had started all of my brain abnormalities? Would I still be the reason for the lock on my parents’ bedroom door? If I had continued at that university, would I remember yesterday? Would I have wasted my “flower” on that one night stand that I still regret and I will always feel is my worst mistake in life? Maybe now, I would have found that one Prince Charming that was put on this planet for me.

What if I had never chosen to begin that medication? Would I still be able to remember what happened yesterday? Would this same thing have happened to me if I had chosen a different product type? Or even if I chose a different brand? Would I have spent an entire month in that hospital? Would I be cursed with this clog in my brain for the rest of my life?

I wonder if my life would be different every day. What if I had gone down the road two miles back, instead of this one that I have been stuck in traffic on for twenty minutes? Would that have made a complete difference in how I was to get to my destination?

What if you could change everything in your life, push the restart button? What if you were given that option, but only once? Would you push it? When I sit with this empty, black hole feeling, I couldn’t press it hard enough.

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