My Normal Life

My First True Love

I was 13 years old when I found my first love. In 1998, I was first starting to develop my feelings for him, he was 16. His blue eyes, blonde hair were the first things that I was drawn into. It was when he started speaking, his soft, raspy style voice, I began to melt like butter. I knew I was in love.

I never knew if I would see him, again, after the first time. Then, one day, when walking through my grocery store with my mom, something off to my right suddenly drew my attention: the latest issue of “Tiger Beat”. He was right there on the cover; Johnathan Taylor Thomas. I knew then that we were meant to be.

After that day, my walls became covered in him. His picture was in every corner. I needed his face to greet me as soon as my eyes opened in the morning. The love I knew that I was meant to be with was the first face that I needed to lay my eyes upon every day.

One afternoon, after reading the twentieth article about him, I suddenly felt that there was a need for my feelings for him to be known. He needed to know what was in my heart. The only way for us to be with each other, was for me to come forward.

I had never told anyone how I had felt. I didn’t know how. I was only 13 after all. I began searching through my magazines, in the hopes that they could help, but they seemed to be useless. Just picture, after picture of my favorite famous guy. So I decided to wing-it.

I sat down on my bed to try to clear my mind. How do you tell someone famous that you love them? I think I even wanted to ask him to go to my dance that was approaching with me. I knew that he would go. We were meant to be with each other. I could feel it. There was a little pit in my stomach that was telling me that he was my lobster. Not that I knew what that was at the time, but I still could feel that we were two people put on this Earth meant to find each other and be together forever.

I tried to write in my neatest writing. I wanted to come off as best as I could. I know I remember starting out with a simple hello and asking him how he was doing. I told him how much I loved him in “Home Improvement” and “The Santa Clause”. I wrote in that “Man of the House” was my all-time favorite movie. Then I got down to the point. I finally told him how cute I thought he was. I believe I even told him how nice his eyes were. Then, I know for sure I asked him to my schools upcoming dance. It would be the happiest day of my life if he would go with me.

Looking over my letter, I could feel the smile on my face. I knew he would read over this and feel his heart skip a beat. I knew for sure I would have the best date to my schools dance, too. Now I just had to wait for him to respond.

And I waited. And waited. And waited. And I waited some more. Three months later, I thought maybe it had gotten lost in the mail. I was getting worried. I was beginning to think that he had never gotten it. Then, one day, I finally got a response.

A letter from him arrived. In the envelope, there was also a picture of him. I started to get excited, because I didn’t even ask for a picture. But then I read his letter:

Hey Stephanie,

Thanks for writing me. It’s so great to hear from you. My birthday is September 8th. I was the voice of Simba in “The Lion King”, thank you for that. My favorite color is blue. I really so enjoy playing baseball in my off time. Thanks again for writing me.

So that was it? Standard fan mail letter? It made me even wonder if he had read what I had put all of my emotion into. Suddenly, I could feel what in my heart for him leaving me. We were done. Over. I know I didn’t love him anymore.  Yet, sometimes, when I come across his face online, I can still feel my heart skip a beat.

Lonely-Heart-sign

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