I’m just sitting here, on this warm, miserably grey Monday, trying to entertain myself. But with all of my inspiration gone, I’m not getting very far. I really would like you to tell me something, anything really. I am about to give up on you. My sun hasn’t shined since I last said goodbye to you. But I have seen some light at the end of my tunnel, the one day you had said hello. I still just wonder why we both appear lost on this same road and can’t seem to meet each other in the middle.
I realize I have left you there so many times, then again I know that this time will be the last. This will be the last time that we will meet there and then we can walk to the end of our path in life together. You are the one that I love. My first one. So just say something, anything. I’m almost giving up on you. But I would rather have hard times with you, than good times with another. I’d rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself. I would rather have hard times together, than have it so easy apart.
I can see on our road where the line of broken hearts starts behind you, but always leads you back to me. Life is not always rainbows and butterflies, it is compromise that moves us along. So even though my heart always feels broken from my mistakes, my door is always open. You can come back to me anytime. Though I wish that time was now.
My first love may not be my first kiss or my first date ever. My first love is the person who I compare everyone else to. You are the person that I will never truly get over, even when I’ve tried to convince myself that I have. When we first met, I had no idea you would be so important to me. I will wait for you because, honestly, I don’t want anyone else.
Perhaps my worst decision in life was that I let you go. I do need one more chance to make it all right, for deep inside my heart, I can feel that you are my other half. I have thought, over and over, that when we’d be getting to the half-way point, I would be feeling like a spark was happening, maybe too fast, so I would panic. Or maybe I was thinking I still had more lobster out there in this vast, glorious ocean of life. Perhaps I wasn’t looking in the right section for my correct apple. So I tried a different path in life. Yet, I was always drawn back to you. None of my other apples tasted as good as you.
“Maybe…you’ll fall in love with me all over again”
“Hell,” I said, “I love you enough now. What do you want to do? Ruin me?”
“Yes. I want to ruin you.”
“Good.” I said. “That’s what I want, too.”
- Ernest Hemingway, “A Farewell To Arms”