My Normal Life

Stuck In Confusion

Why do I want you so badly? I didn’t so many months ago. Is it only because I cannot have you? If you had no one else, would I want you so badly? I wonder. If you hadn’t sent me a simple “hello”, would I already be moved on and happy? I keep trying to leave this road I feel lost on, but you seem to reel me back to the same path every day. My head is empty of everything except you.

You must realize that the only times I try to express what is eating a hole inside me is when I have consumed too much of my Wellness. You know how I can be when that liquid has taken over my mind. I want nothing more than for me to be able to take every advantage of you that you will allow. Though, this time, I cannot touch you. You care too much for that one, the one who I am trying to persuade you is not your piece that you are supposed to be with. She is not your person. She is merely a figment of imagination, helping you to pass time until you finally stop being a dumbass and realize you are facing the wrong direction in life.

Or maybe I am. Maybe I am only stuck on you because you like that you have your one thing and then another who wants you so bad, making you feel in control of everything. I try to resist you.  I keep thinking I can change the direction that your heart is facing. I notice when it’s been a few days that I have not contacted you, my phone rings. Yet, again, when you see my face, I still cannot touch yours. So I retreat. Then my phone rings. And men talk about woman being confusing.

I wish you would just admit what you want: me. You are just too scared that I’ll leave you again. Well, so am I.

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