My Normal Life

Too Many Reasons

I have so many reasons I am perfect for you, whoever you are. There are almost too many to even tell you. First off; no one will try to steal me from you. Do not deny that. I can tell that you are the only person that wants me. Then there is the fact that sometimes I’m funny. Sometimes. Maybe there was this one time. I think anyway. So these would be the greatest reasons for you, whoever you are, to come find me.

I am always grateful, too, that I don’t have a gap between my thighs. There was this one time that I was on my phone and I almost dropped it into the toilet, but these ladies saved the day. They also make a good resting place for my coffee at times. I know there is a man out there that loves the big hips, and he cannot lie.

I have been single for what feels like my whole life and I have to say, I sense that all is going well. I do feel like everything is working out all hunky-dory. I even think that maybe I, am the one. Or perhaps I’m just single because I have such crappy taste in men. Either way, I may like it right now, but I’m really still expecting for Sal Vulcano to finally realize that I am for him.

I’m waiting for my celebrity to come find me because every ordinary guy appears to suck right now. I may seem like I’m waiting for the right guy, but we all know that I can’t even hold up three seconds for anything. So how am I supposed to wait another six months for “him” to find me, not to mention, if I ever even had a boyfriend, I wouldn’t know what to do with him! Do I feed him at certain times? How often would he need to use the bathroom?

I have heard so many times that if I stop looking, the right person will come along. Maybe mine got hit by a truck. Could be the only reason he’s taking forever.

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