I am not afraid to admit that I am a believer in the deeper side of life. The other side, if you will. I frequently visit my physic when I am able to. I need to know why I am not on the path I feel like I am supposed to be on. I need my questions answered and my tarot cards can answer them for me. When I am unable to see her, I sit on the nights of the quarter moon and do my own readings. This last one that I did makes me feel that I am finally doing all that I need to be doing to be happy in life.
The first card represents me and the issues that are surrounding me. I had drawn the Four of Swords. This card represents an inner retreat that I am currently taking. My present situation is very difficult and I may be in the midst of much turmoil. The swords on the wall symbolize my previous battles and the sword at my side represents my current conflict. I will soon be taking up that sword again.
The two main issues that are surrounding me in life are money and loneliness. I cannot seem to be in control of them. I just waste through my money as soon as I get ahold of some. I see a penny, I pick it up, wishing that it turns into a pot of gold. Along with this pot of gold, I hope my soul mate that I keep thinking has been lost on his path in life will be the one carrying it along towards me.
The swords that are on his walls represent a current conflict I do feel like I have been dealing with for, probably, the past two years; the man I cannot seem to fall out of love with. I love him, the next day I don’t. Two weeks later, I need to see him, but then he exhales wrong and I can never speak to him again. I believe it’s the Pisces and the Cancer in the both of us; we both need to be in charge, neither of us can take advice or knows how to pay attention to the other, then when this happens our levels of aggravation rises to a ten. This I the conflict on my road in life that I need to run away from.
My second card represents my behavioral patterns that are influencing my love life. I am a very different person; never the same. This card had been the Seven of Pentacles. This is the card that represents a sense of dissatisfaction that I feel with the results of a project that I have recently completed, maybe in my workplace or in my life. This card makes me feel that my workplace is still fairly new and I am still very nervous the days that I am out. I am a little jittery about the tasks I am given on those days. I worry that I will not complete them, or I will take far too long for the doctor that I work for. He needs that lab work as quickly as possible so that, for one, he is not working until midnight and also so the person who the tests are for gets their results.
Though, despite the less satisfactory results from this Seven of Pentacles, I am glad when any of my jobs with him are over. I am grateful that I now have time to relax, which is all I’ve been doing all day anyway. I still feel that I could be doing more, though. This card can be a warning against perfectionism and a sign that I MUST sometimes step back and just let go. This card shows that my behavioral patterns influencing my love life are showing me that I need to relax. If I get this high strung or nervous at work, then I can only imagine how I am as soon as one person has a crush on me. If only they would tell me.
My third card represents the area’s that need further growth in order for me to find love. I had drawn the Seven of Swords. This is the card that makes off with my enemies’ weapons, but not all of them. Some of the swords remain, which are evidence that the war is not over. Maybe these are the swords that I can use to press on in life to fight for my battle on this road of love. The Seven of Swords acts alone, which does indicate that my present situation is not over. What is currently going on in this path that I have been dealing with for the past three years I WANT to be over with. I really do. This is what the purpose of multiple break ups are for. The warning with this card is not to get too wrapped up in mental games, one-upmanship and petty battles that do not solve battles. I need to take the high road. So perhaps, this is a sign that I just need to press on, and just ignore his calls and messages, which is a lot harder than it may seem.
My fourth card represents the areas I need to change or process in order to find love. I drew the Two of Wands. This card represents opportunity. AH, the perfect card that I need to find love! This card shows the balance with which I approach my goal. There are few cards with the red rose and white lily combined. Combined, they may symbolize the balance of thoughts and desire, the lily being the thought and the rose being desire, the balance of the head and the heart. Together they represent pure or unconditional love.
The man, looking out at the sea, suggest there is a trade and could indicate a strong partnership and alliance. I am in the early stages or prosperous enterprise. I can step outside my comfort zone and explore a new world. I just need some courage to do this. I have courage. If I can walk up to my favorite, big black security guard at my favorite bar and give him my phone number, than I am a lion.
My fifth card represents the areas that need to be liberated within myself to allow love into my life. I had drawn the Five of Cups. This card suggests that I am upset over a loss or disappointment. I cannot think of anything that I have lost lately in my life, though. The three cups spilled at the man’s feet in the picture indicate the losses that I am experiencing. But how can I be experiencing these if I haven’t lost anything? My keys? They’re in my purse. I still have my job. I suppose it could be money, but that is my own, juvenile fault.
I may not be aware of the strong support system that remains indicated by the two cups still standing. My friends and loved ones are offering their support, but I am focusing too much on disappointment. I know that I am always like this. I never accept assistance. I always focus on how a project is going to fail more than how it will succeed. I get this from my dad. There is a river in the image that suggest troubled emotions that are making me feel lost. I am cutting myself off from the joy and love associated with home. I feel that I am just trying to be an adult. I still live with my parents, so how am I supposed to be one?
I need to notice the bridge isn’t too far; it can lead me home again and into the arms of love.