She discovered the definition of her life, when she was laying in the sunlight. That night she would wish upon a star that everything would be fine. She knows that somewhere in this world, someone is going to fall in love with her. He’ll just walk up to her and say, “Baby, I love you. We both know, there’s nothing left to do. Just, please, tell me everything is going to be alright?” She knows that she keeps letting everything get her down. Not anymore. By doing this, all of her sad feelings have disappeared. By doing this, it makes her know that someday, she is going to find him.
When her mind was made up, she saw him last week, at the post office. Him being a red head is one that will never be forgotten. That blazing, ruby treasure upon his head is the kind that is always stuck in one’s mind. She had laid her eyes upon him and just gazing at him had given her the thought that the world was alright now.
She knew that when her time came, the time she may be leaving this world, she would be thanking him for all that he did for her in life. She always had the most fun being weird with him. They would be the only one’s dancing around the bar to the classic 80’s music randomly selected from the jukebox. There would be nights that, just looking into his eyes, she could show him what he wanted to see.
She was in her driveway on Friday night. She just sat in the driver’s seat, wriggling her keys through her fingers. She wished that she could get the car to start. She really wanted to drive to his house tonight. She felt deep down inside, that she needed him. Something inside of her mind was telling her that she needed to almost swim through everything around her, not only for her family, or her friends, but for him the most. She gave up and went back inside the house.
She was starting to wonder what happened when she closed her eyes at night. Was he there? Was he lying next to her? She could almost feel his soft skin with her hand, right next to her body. She knew now, that she was going to find him, even if it took all night. She stared up at her ceiling, with so many thoughts racing through her mind, him being her number one priority. She could see his soft, smooth back end, the first thing she had laid her eyes upon. She wanted to walk up to him and begin just rubbing her hand slowly upon it before she could smack it as hard as she was able to. She knows then he would whimper with pleasure.
“Mr. Blue Sky,” she began. “Please tell me why you are hiding him away. Why are you now hiding him from me? Why can’t I find him?” She liked to refer to her ceiling as that. It made her feel that she was actually speaking to whoever was above. She knew she needed help finding him.
Searching through her bedroom, she found her journal. She had forgotten she had one of these. The night they had had their first date was the night she had felt that she hadn’t needed to write in it anymore. She sat down on her bed, grasping the purple paper with green shimmering stars in her hand. Before she even opened it, she knew what all was inside. It would all be pages of her scribbles speaking of no love in life. She would be speaking of the lonesome road she had been lost upon in life. For that is what she had felt. For 28 years, she had felt so alone. No person was on her path in life, searching for her.
Then one day, she knew that tomorrow would be a little kinder. A brighter day might be coming her way. She pressed the remote to turn on her radio, her old school punk record began to play. She laid on her back as all the music began going to her heart. As he began to appear more in her mind, rainbows seemed to brighten in the dark. She was going to make it through this year, making him love her more, if it killed her. Her past is already being forgotten.
One night she had had a dream that she walked into the coffee shop that she frequented every Tuesday morning. When she walked up to the counter, expecting to say good morning to her regular dark, frizzy hair coffee guy Jose, she saw him. She could not stop staring into his blue eyes. She could barely get her order out of her mouth in one single breath. When his fingers grazed over her hands to take her card, she was startled awake. Telling this dream to her mom and sister the next day, neither one believed that this was him. He was just a dream.
Going to get her normal morning cola the next day, he was standing at the counter, waiting to pay. When he didn’t realize, he was standing next to her in an empty crowd, she then knew that she loved him. She could feel all of his heart leaking off of him onto her. As she inhaled his deep, smoky scent, her eyes closed remembering their first date. She knew after this, there could never be enough cigarettes to calm her down. Before he could leave, she wrapped her arms around him and pressed her lips as hard as she could to his. Before he even realized what was going on, his coffee fell from his hands.
She pulled away from him with a smile on her face. “Baby, we can run away together. We can spend some time together. Forever,” she spoke into his wide eyes. She knew change was going to come.